Back to the Rum

I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat, cough, and runny nose. Maybe this has been the problem all along, why I’ve been so drained — impending germs. Something that can be cured with vitamin C, hot tea with honey (maybe a little brandy), naps — that would be good.

But it was about 30 degrees outside and Java was looking at me with those big, imploring eyes, so after stopping at the drug store to pick up more vitamin C, Java and I headed to the Rum River park.

We haven’t been there since I moved out of the old house. Somehow it looked more brown and dreary than I remember it. Maybe that’s just winter.

Maybe it’s that I’m looking to see something different and grand and breathtaking and there just isn’t anything that moves me right now.

Speaking of not moving… This is what I live next to. Thought I’d throw it in here. I liked the shadows from the trees…

Since the Rum River was completely frozen and there just wasn’t much to look at,  I took Java portraits. She had kind of a thoughtful, contemplative look at the river today. Maybe she sees memories and ghosts too.

I just had my cheapy pocket camera but still, the lighting turned out weird, but kind of cool, like a white out or fog.

Java heard snowmobiles on the river and was trying to picture how big of a mosquito could make that much noise. This one is my favorite.

Then the wind picked up and flapped Java’s ears and hair a bit.

By the time we got home, the snowflakes that were just barely visible at the park had picked up some heft. Java is so funny with her toys. She has a hard time deciding which one she wants to play with. So she keeps them close together so she can switch toys as her mood changes.

First came the stick, of course.

Then the ball.

And then the frisbee.

I’ve spent the weekend quietly. I’d decided to just be with the feelings I’ve been having lately, rather than trying to run away from them, fix them, or drown them with wine and chocolate.

Of course, I wasn’t planning on the distraction of a cold. Regardless, I think it helped to slow down a bit and not do so much. To just kind of be and try to accept who I am, who I’m becoming, and what my life is and will be.

I’m still waiting for answers, but just read in a book that “looking is not waiting.”


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  1. My dogs like to keep all of their toys together too, and then when one gets up the other one goes and steals them all!
    Beautiful shots of Java. Hope you are feeling better soon!

  2. “It’s the story of a woman who is trying to make the best of what is.”

    Your in good company with Java! Love your pictures of her.

  3. My love affair with Java continues…my favorite pic is the one with one ear up and one ear down! She oozes life:-) It’s too bad you can’t teach her to be a nurse when you need one ~ I’m sure she would be up for it! Until then, take care of yourself and feel better soon:-)

  4. Looking is definitely not waiting. The journey to discover who we really are instead of the person others expected us to be can be a long one but so worth it. Don’t get discouraged or disgruntled with yourself. That will only makes the journey harder than it needs to be. Hang in there and hope your bug departs soon.

  5. I hope that your cold is feeling better…

    I know that feeling of being looking for something grand and seeing drabness. However, your photos of Java show that you found something grand! I especially love the “ears flapping in the wind” photos.

    I guess that you’re saying that there’s a difference between “looking for answers” (an active process) versus “waiting for answers” (a passive process). It seems to me like you’ve been out there searching actively (and I admire you greatly for that). I think that they’ll come.

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