“I prefer to distinguish ADD as attention abundance disorder. Everything is just so interesting . . . remarkably at the same time.” — Frank Coppola, MA, ODC, ACG
I like that — attention abundance disorder. If you haven’t noticed by now, my interests are endless. I like to define myself as a chronically-curious person. EVERYTHING is just so dang interesting!
This makes it very difficult to keep my focus in one spot for very long. I think it’s why I like to write. It gives me a legitimate excuse to research and then go write about whatever catches my attention or inhabits my imaginary world. However, this makes it very difficult to finish a full-length book. I need to find a way to trick my mind into believing I am actually on to something new every few days.
There are some consistent things that I have always wanted in my life. When my life changed, my manner of attaining those things also needed to change. I struggle to find my wild oasis, my sense of solitude, the peace of nature. I struggle with what my heart wants and needs but is afraid to open up to.
I commented on a Theodora Goss’s post “A Sense of Longing” that for me, longing at times lodges in the pit of my stomach like an intense hunger, that I’m just pacing, like a caged animal looking for release.
I think there are different degrees of longing. There is the commonly present feeling that something is missing, and maybe you try to fill that hole with food, some form of spirituality, or a shopping trip. That kind of longing might mean I gain a few pounds or meditate every morning, but it doesn’t lead to feelings of insanity.
To attain insanity, there is another kind of longing, which feels like something grabbing and tearing out my heart. Or like being punched in the stomach by Andre the Giant.
That sort of longing brings with it such a strong desire to move that my muscles visibly twitch. My body screams “Something is not right!” I am a coiled spring, tensed on my chair, trying to focus on the work at hand, while my brain insists that I really need to spring into action RIGHT NOW!
I’m trying to figure out how to make this life work! My mind and how I see things has to be my saving grace. But I simply…
To let it be