Useless Desires

An uneventful Valentine’s Day, which was part of the problem. A tough day not to think about lost love.

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
I can’t make you stay
I can’t spend another ten years
Wishing you would anyway
How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I’m getting tired of useless desires”

Java and I went skijoring in the morning. We did a pretty fast clip as it was breezy and cool. That meant two falls, one on each shoulder just to even things out.

“Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this”

Java and I drove around and looked at townhouses. I know I said “no way” to the townhouse idea but then I was thinking that I hate being in an empty house now, so I’m gone as much as possible. So maybe what I live in doesn’t matter that much. Without the horses on the property or someone there to spend time with, a house is just a place to eat, sleep, and keep my stuff.

But then I looked at the association fees at townhouses and I’m flip-flopping again. At the place I like the most, the association fee is $325 a month! Are they insane! I can’t afford that plus the $250 a month for horse board!  So I’m back looking at houses as they are actually cheaper and I’ll just have to deal with the upkeep.

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be”

I broke down and went for a massage tonight. How can IMMENSE pain make your muscles and tendons feel so much better? Maybe it’s just that the pain of the massage has stopped. No, everything feels so much looser now. The massage therapist kept muttering, “Hmmm” and “Oh my” and “Wow”.

There was a lot of popping and snapping going on as knots gave under pressure. She even used hot stones to warm up my muscles so they’d give better.

This is how Java takes care of her back.

Of course, it was a quick fall from euphoria to reality when I tried to let the horses in and the barn door wouldn’t slide. The snow melts and drips during the day, then freezes after dark. So the bottom of the door was stuck in ice. I had to smash the ice along the edge of the door with an ax. Ouch.

But my back and shoulders still feel better than they did. I’m going to see a chiropractor on Wednesday because it also hurts to move my neck or twist my spine. And I think I’ll be going back to the massage therapist once a month if it helps as much as it feels like it might have.

I know what some of you are thinking, but these injuries aren’t from the skiing; they’re from lifting and there’s not much I can do to avoid that. And skiing is one of my more useful desires.

“How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
Burns the last of the day down
And I’m the last one hangin’ around
Waiting on a train track, and the train never comes back
And even I’m getting tired of useless desires “

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  1. Just a suggestion, but maybe you’d do well to just rent something for a little while and figure out what you want. If you buy a house you’re kind of stuck with it, for a while at least.

  2. Sue – That was my plan initially, until I drove around and looked at townhouses and houses for rent. I feel like I need something to be tied down to to keep from feeling completely ungrounded.

  3. Glad you went for a massage. I absolutely love hot stones.

    Wouldn’t it be great if you could find a little farm to buy so you could put your board toward the mortgage? That monthly fee for a townhouse is nuts!!!! Way too high.

    Sounds like you and Java are getting in a groove with your skijoring.

  4. I hope that your body feels better. It sounds as if you’re getting tied up in one big knot. I haven’t been allowed to get massages for years – too risky of a hard motion hurting my spine (except my PT who has the knowledge to know what to be careful of).

  5. massage is terrific. my little sister is a massage therapist. you have to be a little bit sadistic for that job…. but oh it does feel good when they’re done.

    good luck on the housing front. it must be hard to give up the country life you have. but dont’ jump until you find the right place. where you life *is* important–it’s where you feel safe and grounded. so choose carefully.r

  6. Perhaps you just need some roommates where you are afford to stay there? Lots of people want a spot for their horses and elbow room..doesn’t sound like you spend much time there, but when you are there you like it. Real Estate is just not moving very fast may be awhile before the market improves:(

  7. You have much on your plate don’t you? I’m so happy you splurged on a massage for yourself. You and that Java make quite the pair! I would be great if your could take in a boarder or two to allow you to stay where you love to play.

    God bless and have a glorious day!!!

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