Our temperatures have been getting into the low 30s this week, with full on sunshine. That’s all well and good except that all that melting snow and puddles turns into ice during the evening, encasing the bottom of my sliding barn door in solid ice. The other morning I couldn’t get the back door to the paddock to break free and didn’t feel like chopping the ice with an ax again so I led the horses individually out the front of the barn, through the door that Murphy is pointing his nose at in the photo below.
The size of that door meant I had to walk in front of the horse because only one of us could fit through the door at a time.
This wasn’t so bad with horse #1, Luke. He was a little worried about walking through a door he’s never gone through before but he didn’t all out panic until I let him loose and he was… GASP!… ALONE in the darkness! (Eery music playing in background)
His running around outside did not bode well when I tried to get a halter on Murphy and lead him out the same door. He definitely wanted to trample me. There was much threatening body language from little old me and backing up halter tugs to avoid being run over. But here I am, alive to tell the story.
This trying to open doors is also difficult because I’m standing on ice trying to push on an immovable object. Do you see the problem with this?
Which is why I was so excited when my Stabilicers arrived from Amazon.
Not only do they help me stay upright on ice, I have discovered that when I’m on the concrete patio, they make a sound very much like tap shoes. I did a very impressive Fred Astaire imitation.
The “Divorce Care” e-mail that I received today seems to be responding to my latest post. It says:
“Your daily life is different now. You no longer have the security and comfort of your old routine and of knowing where you belong. The new lifestyle may feel awkward and uncomfortable. This contributes to your loneliness.”
“Your new lifestyle is unfortunately one that you did not choose to be in. But now that you are here, you do have a say as to how you will respond to your new circumstances. Every moment, you are faced with the choice of how you will act and react to the thoughts in your mind and to the situations that occur. “
‘The choice of how you will act and react to the thoughts in your mind’ – that clump of words hit me like fingernails drawn slowly across a blackboard. My thoughts seem to never stop playing tug-a-war with each other.
- “I can do this.” versus “I am not going to make it.”
- “I have such wonderful friends and family” versus “I am going to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life.”
- “Maybe I’m on my way to the awesomeness I’ve been waiting for.” versus “Maybe if I time it just right, I can get hit by a garbage truck on the way to the mailbox.”
And the statement of having a choice of how to ‘act and react’. I want to react positively. But it’s hard when you feel beaten to a pulp. Do you get up or just stay down for the count? I have this image in my mind, one eye swollen shut, the other one trying to blink away the blood dripping from the gash on my forehead. And there’s someone on the side of the ring (who has bet against me) screaming “Stay down. Stay down.”
What would Rocky do?