Adoptee Life

Poem for a Missing Cowboy

It’s my birth father’s birthday today. He died over two years ago. I decided to try and make today’s poem about him, even though it’s been two years since he died and I’ve already written several poems and posts about him, including:

But there must be more to say and grieve, because writing this poem about did me in. And since I probably won’t do this again, I’m including a number of my favorite photos.


My first trip to meet everyone

Poem for a Missing Cowboy

I miss you Dad
Not too original, huh?
Miss what?
You might have said.
Your big smile
It’s been such a long while
Your red suspenders
You looked so dapper and slender
Gosh dang it!
Too hard to rhyme!
Let me try again
My style
To me
You were colorful kerchiefs
Tied around your neck
You were tall boots
And clanging spurs
Those are just appearances
Yet they defined the man
The beliefs
The value of hard work
What you wanted to build
What you wanted to be
Bigger than life
But that’s only a guess
We didn’t have enough time
To me
You were dry humor
My humor
Mirrored in you
Your humor
Mirrored in me
Your laugh
I still see it
Still hear it
Still smile about it
I miss complaining about
Gas prices
Water being sucked up
By golf courses and overbuilding
Bush and his cronies
Religious fanatics
I don’t miss
Arguments
Over immigration policies
And such
Still,  I miss your passion
I miss seeing you
Handling a horse
Weeding and raking
Your piece of the desert
Cooking 
In your outdoor kitchen
Chewwwyyy steaks
Didn’t matter
It was so good
To all be together
I miss your stories
Of running away
Rodeo times
I tried to remember
Every word
Every gesture
So hungry for
My family
For so long
You loved competition
Cattle drives
A good argument
Your kerplunks
Nonchallantly dropped
Just a few words
Like worms dangling
From a fishing line
Waiting
To see who would bite
Even after death
You managed to stir things up
Such a sickly mess
I don’t understand
Why?
Not that I try anymore
To figure it out
It’s not that I
Expected anything
Didn’t expect
Just wished
For a gesture
A final word
Being a giveaway
I learned early
Not to expect much
If at all
I was angry
That you threw me away
I still am I guess
Even when I deny it
But I miss you
Every day
I miss all of us
Together
So much has changed
Since you’ve been gone
So much hurt
So many things
Went wrong
And so soon after
Too soon after
Losing you
More time
I wish
We’d all had
More time

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9 Comments

  1. Can’t think of any words …. definitely written from the heart….

    So sorry for your loss. Two years is not a long time. My dad has been gone 17 yrs and I still miss him everyday.

  2. Maery Rose. You sure are sticking to this poetry writing thing, and this is a beauty. The photos were great too. I can tell one of the people is your sister, but who are the others? I can see why it was hard on you….

  3. So beautifully sad. I see your dad in your face and feel him in your heart so deeply. It’s always too soon to lose your dad, but you had so little time. Part of him powers your words, so for that I am grateful. He looks/sounds like an endless source of inspiration:-)

  4. Glad you have many special memories to remember your Dad.

    There is never enough time with people we love.

    Your poem really tells the story…

  5. Oh my girl, I can sure see where this wonderful poem straight from the heart could emotionally do ya in!!!

    It was beautifully written and the pictures were just the cherry on top! Great job sweetie!

    Have a beautifully blessed day!

    Oh..Easter Giveaway..my place! :o)

  6. Tammy – It’s true. You heal but the missing doesn’t stop.

    Lori- I’m hoping the discipline is transferable over to my book work. The other people in photos are my siblings. And my Mom is also in the last photo.

    Kathleen – He was a very interesting, complicated man. He could go so far on opposite ends of mood and personality. But then, so can I.

    Sally – There certainly isn’t enough time and it’s unfortunate when we realize it too late.

    Nezzy – Thanks. I hope you are having a sunnier, warmer day than I am. 1-6 inches of snow on the way? Could they pin it down a little more?

    Lynn – Thanks for the kind words.

  7. Wow Maery, those are beautiful photos and your poem is really nice. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad and even after two years, I am sure that it is still difficult for you. I know how complicated family relationships can be sometimes. Peace.

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