It is good to feel lost… because it proves you have a navigational sense of where “Home” is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn’t that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it. ~Erika Harris
I spent most of the weekend trying to decorate the new place — put up pictures and arrange things. I have way too much horse decor. It’s a bit overwhelming in a smaller space. I’m so bad at knowing what looks good together and what doesn’t.
Many of the things I put up, I’ve taken back down again and put back into a box. Everything just looks ugly to me and it’s extremely frustrating to spend so much time arranging things only to spend more time tearing it all back down again. All I want is to get all the clutter off the floor and counter tops and live a normal day! I just want to see something familiar and enjoyable around me. Something that says “home”.
I’m also finding that putting up a fence for Java is not just expensive, as I expected, but also very complicated to even get started on. I rented a metal detector this weekend to try and find the property stakes but only found bottle caps and other trash. A neighbor told me that even if I found the stakes, I’d still need to get a real survey to satisfy the city inspector.
I was just hoping that if I found the stakes, the survey might cost less as I’m currently being quoted prices from $400 to $800, depending on how difficult the survey is. I’ll also need to get utility lines flagged, then get a fencing place out to do an estimate, then actually get the fence put in. I’m hoping all this can happen before the ground freezes and Java goes completely insane from being cooped up all the time. Walks are just not cutting it.
So many things have been so frustrating and expensive since I moved. I’ve had some extremely low days where I felt like things are never going to get any better.
Then I went horseback riding.
I forget this about myself; I don’t know how I can, but I do. I mean, I’ve even been thinking I should sell Luke and my truck and trailer to avoid all the drama and expense that comes with boarding.
But then I went horseback riding.
Luke is still out in a paddock alone, but he was grazing when I showed up, looking pretty nonplussed by his aloneness. A couple other boarders are probably coming in the next couple months. As winter nears, many backyard horse owners in Minnesota like to find a place with an indoor ring to ride in.
It amazes me, the difference that being around my horse and riding makes in how I feel and look at things. I suppose it’s that way with anything you are passionate about, but there’s an added element when your passion involves an animal. Besides being completely focused and having your problems and physical pain fall away, there’s the connection factor.
It’s like what you see in the movie Avatar, where each living being is born with neural connection fibers that allow them to plug into each other’s emotions and thoughts. Through this connection, they operate as one being with expanded awareness brought about by experiencing another living creature’s world.
That’s probably beyond my connections with Luke or he wouldn’t have had such a problem picking up the right lead today at the canter. He would have known what I wanted. But there is some kind of connection when I ride, and it calms me down. It slows my racing thoughts. It takes the tightness out of my body.
I went horseback riding and I found home.