Maery Rose? Are You Kidding Me?

This is what the skies have looked like a lot lately.

And this.

And when the sun peeked out, it looked like this.

And then there was this.

What?! What the heck is going on?!

That’s what things look like in my camera viewer now and obviously, in the photos too. I think I’ll be going to the camera store to see how fixable this is or if I’m better off replacing the camera. For now, no more photos…

The weather has been crazy and it’s starting to make me a bit loony too, or should I say loonier. Somehow April and May weather flip flopped so now it is colder, rainier, and a whole lot windier than it was in April.

I hope the weather cooperates and I’m able to take Luke to the park this weekend. It’s been two weeks since I’ve been able to ride so I’m not thrilled about making my next ride be the first one out on the trails, but this is an emergency! I need to regain my equilibrium, and I know the trails will do that for me. Well, unless I get dumped.

And why am I so off balance? A combination of events I’m sure. A couple of us who are most worried about losing our jobs almost had a heart attack when we saw our HR representative in a closed door session with our manager. Generally, not a good sign. Still, they need us for at least two more years, so I’m going with believing we are all getting a promotion.

Then there’s just dealing with returning home, getting back into the routine, and missing my family.

Plus, ever since I got home, I’ve been battling a cold, complete with raw throat, headache, dizziness, runny nose, and lack of energy. This makes me cranky and emotional for some gosh darn reason. I’m hoping I’ll snap out of that soon. At least the sore throat and headache part have gone away.

And to top it all off, I have started the process of getting my name changed on identifying documents and accounts. I knew I’d get reactions to my name change from people I know, like the people at work are now calling me Ma-eerie because of the new way I’m spelling Mary, but I wasn’t expecting questions and comments from strangers, like people at the social security office, bank, and DMV.

I’ve been asked, “Can I ask why?” “How did you derive your new name from your old one?”

Okay, why bother to ask whether you can ask if you have already asked? And why are you asking? Why do you care? And would you please get that disapproving sneer off of your cute, little, 20-something face! Just wait. It could happen to you.

Just a wee bit more confirmation that I’m slightly emotional and sensitive lately.

My reply to little chicky-poo was that I changed my entire name because I’m tired of being asked if I’m related to the Olson twins (you know, Mary Kate Olson). Or being asked whether I have a pink cadillac (Mary Kay cosmetics). How about that I changed my name just because I can?

Then there was the woman at the social security office that looked at me, looked at the form I filled out with the name change on it and asked, “Divorce?”

Okay, why that assumption? Do I look like someone a man would kick to the curb? Is it not possible that I just got married?

Okay, over-reacting again. It’s probably more common that overly-emotional divorced women change their ENTIRE name, not happy, enchanted brides. So that’s probably the reason for the assumption. Yeah, that’s it…

So maybe I am coping with my change in circumstances in a silly, immature way. I suppose I should be more sophisticated and together “at my age”.

Well, I’m not. I wanted something different, something pretty. I wanted a name to laugh and smile about. And it really comes down to the moment when I first met with my attorney and she told me I could change my name, MY ENTIRE NAME, to anything I wanted.

The tears stopped for a moment and I said, “Really? My whole name? To anything?!”

For a writer, a person who likes to create people and worlds and stuff, this was exciting! It seemed like a promise of possibilities, of a good change coming out of a bad change.

I may not be the shiny agate I used to be. Maybe I’m more like metal that’s been put in the fire and pounded into something “interesting”. And if my new form doesn’t work out, Hey! We’ll just heat things up again!

I think of the name change as a shiny new wrapper — we won’t mention what it’s covering up.

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9 Comments

  1. I hope you told all the nay sayers to stuff it in their ear. The weather is so whacked out of shape..sun, wind, rain..repeat..many times a day. It is like April weather..I hear we up here in the north could get something white on the weekend..isn’t that lovely. I hope your cold gets better..take some vitamins and make yourself some soup and cookies and you will be all better soon:)

  2. Too bad about your camera, hopefully it is fixable!!
    I hear you on the weather, we are having weather like it’s November! Where’s the sun?
    I can’t believe people are asking you why you changed your name. It’s none of their business.
    Hope you feel better soon!

  3. Maery Rose…that would be you. I’m glad your attorney gave you the real skinny on name changes. In spite of the off and on bad times you have had, you are making serious progress! Life is going to be different when you finally sell that house and get on with it.

    Feel better! (and long live your job)

  4. …..and I say ,”why the heck not!” New you, new life why not go all the way with a new name. Good for you sister, I love you approach.

    Dang cold. I take something from the health food store that when I’ve been exposed to something or I start comin’ down with the crud I take it and it nips it in the bud. Really, it’s just amazed me. It’s called Advantage, it’s a liquid you take in drop form. It tastes like all get out but oh baby the results have amazed me. Take care a feel better sweetie.

    You have yourself one fantastic day!!!

  5. i’m with far side. ain’t nobody’s business but your own. take the long view, as you are, and you’ll be fine. and it’s a beautiful name.

  6. When someone asks me a question such as “Do you mind if i ask how much that cost?” My response is “I dont mind if you ask if you dont mind that I dont answer.” Hope you are feeling better soon. Be safe on your trail ride.

  7. I like cowgirlwannabe’s answer. You could also just give them a wry smile and say, “brand new name for a brand new me,” and leave it at that. You’ve earned the right to be as mysterious as you want. Own it, wear it with pride. I only wish your middle name could be Phoenix, for how you’ve risen from the ashes. Maybe your nickname??

  8. …what is it with nosey service industry people, I mean there is no possible reason they NEED to know your personal business…so why ask. Seriously…huffs and stomps away…

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