I heard this old Queen song on the radio the other day while I was cleaning the barn. I love the way Queen harmonizes and there are the “outfits”. How many men can pull those jumpsuits off?
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I’m ok, I’m alright
Ain’t gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I’m gonna be free, Lord!
Ah yes, rhythm and beat… The previous rhythm of my life is gone and I haven’t found a new beat to replace it with. Instead of a life that I walk comfortably and happily in, I now feel like I’ve put my shoes on the wrong feet.
My day-to-day routine has fallen into disarray — too many puzzle pieces are missing. I stay up to all hours of the night, not wanting to face my empty bed or the thoughts that fill my head as soon as I lay down.
I have the opposite problem in the morning. Because I’ve only had 5 to 6 hours of sleep, and it’s generally about 58 degrees in the house, and colder outside where I need to go and feed horses and clean stalls, I lay in bed for 15 to 90 minutes before I manage to get up.
All of this getting up procrastination and the disorganization that greets me in the morning means that I don’t arrive at work until about 9:00 AM. I used to arrive around 7:30. Fortunately, I don’t punch a clock, but a late arrival means working later, which is why my evening has become so chaotic. I’m always running behind schedule.
I haven’t been very present lately, haven’t been reading and commenting on all the blogs I normally follow, and I apologize for that. I’ve been struggling with this feeling of being off tempo. I think my life has switched to the rumba, while I’m doing some sort of polka. I’m trying to match up my steps to the new beat.
I’ll write more about that in the next few days.