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Pondering

horse in pasture

You follow people’s lives in their blogs and you rejoice over the good times, but you hate seeing people go through the bad times.

I suggest you read this post by Amy at the DVM’s Wife and KB’s post in Romping and Rolling in the Rockies and see if it doesn’t make you think about how you look at life and how you want to go about living it.

I’ve had some injuries and some health problems, but I’ve been pretty lucky that so far, things seem to heal, at least physically. The heart is still aching, but that’s no excuse not to give this thing called life my all.

At times, I do feel like I’m on a timeline. 52. How many more healthy years remain that I’ll still be able to do the things I want to do? I’m afraid that I’ve wasted too much time already.

So the solution is to waste more time?

Some things that I want to do, I had decided were impossible and gave up on them. Some things I didn’t even realize how much they meant to me.

Some of these things are big and some are very small. Some I fear are beyond my physical abilities and some seem pretty risky in that failing would strike pretty deep. And for each one, I can easily come up with ten reasons that I’ll never get to actually do it.

So often now, I’m beaten down by the belief that I can’t do that by myself. Or that too many things have gone wrong; I’m too afraid.

But other people are up against bigger obstacles, and they bravely keep on. And I didn’t think I could drive a horse trailer or go trail riding by myself, but I did.

I’m just not going to put things off waiting for someday. Not ever again.

Often I feel selfish for wanting what I want. There’s a voice that asks me, “Who do you think you are that you deserve to do or have those things?”

But isn’t it really an insult to waste the life we have when there’s so much we can do with it?

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9 Comments

  1. Spot on Maery Rose. It kind of puts perspective on things doesn’t it?
    A friend stopped by yesterday, who is going to turn 60. She is a dressage rider and now drives as well. She said exactly what you did. How long can all of us (horse nuts) continue to do what we love the most? Everyday you seem to get closer and closer to what is good for you. Have a great day? And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow….

  2. Hard times and age has a way of making us step back pausing for a moment and putting things in perspective. What we once thought important in our youth all the sudden isn’t. Our sight on life becomes clearer. We stop hiding our treasures in a drawer and begin to enjoy them. Ya’ll I’m not just talking tangible treasures here.

    I thank you for putting in words what so many have trouble expressing. God has blessed you with many talents. Thank your for using them.

    Have a fantastic day discovering just how terrific God made you.

  3. As I follow your blog, I believe that you’re one of the bravest people that I’ve run across. You’re facing down one of the toughest things possible in life, and you usually find a way to overcome.

    Your last question reminded me of something that I was reading about Buddhist philosophy yesterday. When a person isn’t truly present and fully experiencing life, Chinese Buddhists call it “killing life”. I think that’s an interesting perspective.

    We each have our challenges. Don’t underestimate yourself.

  4. If you went trail riding by yourself, that says a lot. You are very brave and ahead of so many others. My mother wasted her life away sitting in front of a TV set watching soap operas. Every time an opportunity arrived for her to go out and do something, she’d turn it down because she wasn’t flexible enough to be willing to miss her TV shows. My brother and I practically raised ourselves. As a result, I have a strong dislike for TV sets, movie theaters, or any kind of passive entertainment that is capable of sucking one’s brain out of one’s head and making them forget what is important. I’ve always told my mother to go out and live her life instead of watching actors live the lives of characters on TV. I think she was just always afraid.

  5. You have become one of the people I look up to most Maery. You have changed so much in the years that I’ve known you…you amaze me!
    Snow shoeing soon? I hope so!!!
    At least snow is nice soft stuff to fall in : )

  6. Well said Maery! My Heart just breaks for Amy and her family..but she keeps hanging in there. I think the lesson to learn is not to take anyone or anything for granted..tomorrow may be too late:)

  7. Wanting a joy-filled, fulfilling, wonderful life is NOT selfish, but you’re right– settling for less borders on ungrateful. Life is SUPPOSED to be fantastic, keep striving to make yours that way. You’re def on the right track!

  8. Well timed, well said. I think a lot of people live smaller lives than they should because they are fearful.

    These last few years I’ve been pretty blue and humbug-ish during the holidays, but after the spate of bad medical news in the family, including those 2 sudden deaths, I’m feeling rather excited for the time with family and friends.

    I agree with KB. Do not cut yourself short on the coping front. Heartbreak is just as real.

    But you have your horse and your pup … and us. Most of all, you have the real you.

  9. Lori – Thanks for the vote of confidence. It does give me hope that I’ve met people in their 70s still riding. I’m more worried about keeping up with Java, cross-country skiing, hauling around a kayak, and doing all the hiking and camping stuff I want to do.

    Nezzy – You always say the best stuff!

    KB – “Killing life” is a good way of putting it and that’s not what I want to be doing. Thanks for calling me brave. I’m not always feeling it but I’m hoping feelings follow actions.

    Nuzzling – Sorry about your Mom. I know fear well. I generally find ways to face it. The more scary things you do, the easier it gets. Some of the stuff I’m afraid of though isn’t so easy to resolve with an action and out-thinking it is tough. By the way, your kitchen is looking good!

    Lynn – Really?! I am so blushing. Thanks! You’re a good friend.

    Far Side – Yes, I’ve felt pretty blessed in my life. It’s a little tougher now to see it, but I know the good stuff is still there in the people I know especially.

    Sue – I’m just following your action packed example. Trying to avoid the cuts and bruises though.

    Roxanne – Thankfully, my cousin invited me for Thanksgiving. Christmas will be the really tough one. I can’t go visit family because of a court date. I’d like to just rent a cabin up north and ignore Christmas altogether.

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