A Woman Scorned
How much more attractive a woman newly in love must be than a woman scorned and wrapped in grief.
How much more attractive a woman newly in love must be than a woman scorned and wrapped in grief.
I had a dream, that I would live happily ever after with the man I loved. I had a dream, that we would love each other and take care of each other. Always. I had a dream… And I remind myself. No I yell at myself. To try and get through to the heart that…
Ya know, lately, I have a lot of people laugh at something I’ve said and after they’re done laughing they’ll say, “Maery, you are so funny!” It’s a little disconcerting when my comment was actually made in all seriousness.But the latest person to say “you’re so funny” to me was the woman cutting my hair…
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your kneesfor a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.You only have to let the soft animal of your bodylove what it loves.Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.Meanwhile the world goes on.Meanwhile the sun…
“It’s a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand. It stops us from taking anything for granted. ” — Madeleine L’Engle, “The Summer of the Great-grandmother” One Friday night, probably eleven years ago,…
Thanks for all your kind comments and thanks also to the people who have privately e-mailed me. I love how you see the positive things in me, and the reminders that I’m not alone in this. Java keeps trying to comfort me. She keeps pawing at me, laying her head in my lap, licking my…
How long can someone go with out sleep? Obviously, a month is too long. This morning I wheel-barreled out some hay for the horses, brought the wheel-barrel back in the barn and closed the door, planning to walk back up to the house when I saw two horses still standing in their stalls, looking at me like, “What…
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Mary…love the photo! Stay busy…don’t spend all your time thinking about the past. What you need now is time. Recovery does not come quickly or easily and it is good to know that you have friends that can keep you busy. I don’t think that anyone has an easy time going through this kind of an experience…one day at a time. Hang in there.
Mary– i love your taste in music! Also, I can say after meeting you in person you are absolutely beautiful. Don’t ever question that someone out there won’t find you attractive– I think with you it’ll be more a matter of thinning the herd.
Keep listening to that “strong” music, and trying new things and reaching out to friends. You’ll get through this, and you’re right, still plenty of time to create that ideal life you dream of.
Lori – I know. I’m trying not to get caught up in “what ifs” and be a little more patient with myself. I feel so down sometimes that it frightens me that I’ll always feel that bad. You’re right – it will take time and it won’t be easy, but I’ll get through it, step-by-step.
Sue – Thanks so much for taking me kayaking! I loved it! I want one bad! And your place is wonderful. Maybe someday I can have an original Sue sculpture at my house. Thanks again for letting me hang with you guys.
Mary!
I found you at PG’s blog.
You and I have so many similarities:
Polish background.
My ex-wife left for “greener” pastures(in 1983).
and so on…
I went to counseling for 6 months and that helped immensely.
I remarried in 1985 and am still married to my real soulmate. I know how bleak things may look to you now, but
Plan your future.
Think about things that make YOU happy.
DO things that make you happy.
Keep busy.
Btw, pseudosu is correct: You are a very beautiful lady and talented, it will “be more a matter of thinning the herd” when word gets out that you are available.
Be confident. Be positive. Look yourself in the eyes(in the mirror I guess) and keep this song in your head:
Pick yourself up,Dust yourself off and start all over again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGUsRGuZb6k&feature=related
and it completes here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxPgplMujzQ&feature=related
Sincerely,
Garlic Man
Mary,
I agree with Lori. Be patient, you need time to heal. I’ve never gone through what your current journey but in other kinds of losses, time brings perspective and the possibility of being happy again. You will not feel like this for the rest of your life. I can tell from your blog that you’re a kick-@$$ woman who will find her happiness.
I also have to agree with anonymous about counseling. If you find a good one, a counselor can help you to develop strategies for dealing with your grief and can help you to identify patterns that aren’t good. I had a big loss about 10 years ago, and I still remember the wise words that my counselor said about certain thought patterns of mine. Those words still help me to avoid the same old traps.
Garlic Man – Thanks for stopping by and for giving me encouragement. Loved the video link.
KB – I’m feeling kind of kick-@$$. I drove the horse trailer with Murphy in it to the park after work and went riding on my own. No mountain lions or bears to worry about, but horses seem to see such things behind every log anyway.
I’ve been thinking about the counseling but I’ve had such bad experiences with therapists. I need to be careful in picking one that fits and that would be good at helping me dig to the root of all the thoughts rolling around in my head.