I Am Worthy, I Am Worth It
I have so many things running around in my head that I could possibly write five blog posts with them or one disturbingly long one that would take my mind-waterfalls and summon up one big gushing tsunami.
But I don’t have the time.
Or the energy.
So here are the bullet points:
- After much trepidation, I signed up for a five day writing retreat. I’ve been second guessing myself ever since I clicked the button to submit my registration. It’s more money than I like to spend on something that, what’s the right word, is unnecessary? It’s taking money that could be spent on something else — like fixing the fading, chipping paint on my house.
There were these signs that aligned, convincing me that this was an opportunity I would regret passing by out of money worries and a fear that I, or it, will be a disappointment. If I said no to this, it was like saying I’m not worth doing this for. That I and my writing are not worth the time and investment. I wasn’t sure I could get up from accepting that belief. And so I’m going.
- After much trepidation and research into upgrading my Adobe CS3 Creative Suite and seeing that I was so far behind in upgrades that I would have to pay the full blown $1300 purchase price. And that I couldn’t just buy Photoshop alone because either you buy Creative Suite or you pay monthly for using Photoshop in the Creative Cloud. So I downloaded a free beta-version of Lightroom 5 and have been swearing at my computer ever since.
As you will see from the photos I have included here, I finally figured out how to publish the jpegs and get them onto my blog. I will probably be signing up for a month’s worth of Lynda.com classes so I can figure out the “Develop” editing tools and how to create and use presets.
The confusion of learning something new is frustrating. “I don’t have time for this $H!+!” has been uttered more than once. But it’s very cool when I figure something out and I am enamored with the mysterious possibilities.
- On a gentler, calmer note, the hydroponic salad table is setup with nutrient mix, is pH balanced and the plants are in place. The weather has been so cool and overcast, I worry the poor things won’t make it, but they needed to go outside.
Steve constructed a frame covered with plastic to go over the top and protect the plants until they are a bit stronger. Because of the lack of light inside and outside, the seedlings are long and leggy and toppling over. I can relate, feeling a bit sun deprived and ready to fall over myself…
|Table filled with water and nutrient solution|
|Table with seedlings in place|
- Raised beds and container gardens have also been filled. I’m trying out some new things like corn, cabbage, and celery. I haven’t a clue what they will do.
- Some of my herbs did come up again from last year’s planting. The mint is doing a bit too well. I’m thinking I need to dig up the mint, chocolate mint, and spearmint and bury containers for them to go back into so their runners can’t spread too far.
- I worked two days last week setting up and helping with the Master Gardener Plant sale. I was so cold and exhausted by the time the sale was over that I went home, crawled into bed, and slept for twelve hours (that’s five hours more than I normally sleep in a night).
- I have gone a bit nuts with my flowering containers this year. Besides the larger containers filled with a mix of plants, each of the marigold plants I bought is in it’s own little clay pot, placed in various corners of the gardens to work their protective magic. Small pots make maintenance harder – they require more frequent watering and it will need to all be done by hand.
But I am desperate for color and for something to grow and thrive. I want to see flowers, everywhere I turn. And because I want to hear the splash of water, and be able to imagine myself sitting alongside a rocky, moving creek bed, there will be a container pond on the deck very soon.
Yes, it’s an ongoing process, but it’s beginning to look like I will have my escape hatch, leading to a peaceful oasis.
“I want so to live that I work with my hands and my feeling and my brain. I want a garden, a small house, grass, animals, books, pictures, music. And out of this, the expression of this, I want to be writing. (Though I may write about cabmen. That’s no matter.) But warm, eager, living life — to be rooted in life — to learn, to desire, to feel, to think, to act. This is what I want. And nothing less.”
― Katherine Mansfield
Boy, does that quote ever sound like you!
Your yard looks fantastic! We are planning on growing herbs next year and I can’t wait. I have been wanting to do that for so long.
Good luck! I’d actually like to learn so much more about growing and using herbs. They add so much to a dish and smell so good.
A big high five for doing that writing retreat, you certainly are worth it and it will be a good investment. Your gardening skills are already paying off, everything looks healthy.
And thanks for sharing your gorgeous pup … makes me happy!