I haven’t written too much touchy-feely stuff lately. I’ve jotted plenty of stuff down and then thought, “You can’t say that!” But I have a few revelations I’d like to share, although not in one post as I don’t want to boggle your minds (in other words, bore you). And I figured if I threw in a few photos of Java, it would help you get through it.
First off, I have taken a step forward in committing to completing my book. I have a rough draft completed but there’s a great deal of refining and editing work to do.
I’ve been contacting a few published authors about having them help me to get the book in shape for submission. I hope to start working with someone in June if all goes well.
This kind of commitment and moving forward is both exciting and frightening. It’s one thing to talk about writing and publishing. It’s another to put yourself out there and risk rejection.
I’m not the only writer who has thought things like:
- I’m not made of the right stuff to do this.
- I don’t know enough
- I’m not talented enough.
- I don’t have enough time or energy.
- Perhaps I am just too old – not that everyone my age is too old, just that I AM too old.
Maybe old isn’t the right phrase. Perhaps what I really mean is that it’s just hard to do all the daily life stuff alone. It certainly wasn’t part of the plan.
I could do it all when I was younger, but all the snow removal, yard work, auto upkeep, groceries, laundry, financial management, cleaning, pet care, home maintenance, not to mention trying to get in some fun once in awhile skiing, riding, movies, snowshoeing, hiking, biking, going out with friends, etc. – it’s too much!
I know I have to make room for writing so something has to go, at least for the time being, but I’m not giving up all my fun. And I guess I need to keep up on some things like putting out the garbage and cutting the grass before it gets to be 2 feet high. Geeze! Why am I worried about grass right now?
When I really get into writing, like I have lately, it’s amazing to me what it takes to transition back to the other parts of my life. It’s like waking from a deep sleep that wants to keep sucking you back under. The story is always rattling around in my brain trying to complete itself. The story doesn’t seem to care that I have a “real job” that I have to work at 40 hours a week.
Because the book is based on my life experiences, which have been kind of painful, it’s not easy to write. So much of the story took place while I was in my “dream” marriage. But I think it will help me process things, as we writers tend to do, maybe even bring some healing and closure.
If I can push through this, and I will, it’s going to change things. I don’t know exactly how or whether it will lead to some dream life, but it seems like it will be a breakthrough to something. And believing that carries me on.
It’s like labor, you can’t just stop and say, “Nope, I’m not having this baby.” The baby will come one way or another and it’s a whole lot better to do what you can to make it easier and to go the way you want it to. You’ll be blessed with what you’ve created and it will all be worth it. Right?
And here is my real ulterior motive – if I finish a book about my experiences so all that great writing material is finally put to use and I can say, “See, there WAS a point to all that stuff.” Then, maybe I’ll stop getting any further writing material. Maybe I’ll just get to live in peace, at least for awhile, like 5 years. Just give me 5 years. Okay?
p.s. I found a great place to work on training Java around distractions – the pet supply store. Those places are full of other dogs and lots of smells and lots of isles to go up and down. I may have to go to several stores so they don’t notice so much that I walk around without buying anything…