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What Was I Thinking?!



No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We’d prefer to know of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way.  It’s the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day (or life), the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we’d never have chosen for ourselves. All of the sudden, you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be, and it’s nice, or it takes some getting used to. Still, maybe you’ll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones. 
— Grey’s Anatomy, March 4, 2010

What would I do without Grey’s Anatomy to tell me that it’s going to be alright?

I took a day off on Friday and spent my vacation and most of today preparing for a house showing. I also turned on all the lights, turned up the heat, and even tried to raise the temp in the basement with an electric heater before the showing. Cha ching!

Why do I think that this actually does any good? They came (evidenced by my open closet door and they turned off most the lights, very considerate) but the realtor didn’t leave a card and didn’t even stay the full hour. So for less than an hour spent looking at the house I spent about 16 hours preparing.

Much of the prep had to do with the ice on the front steps, which was about 4 inches thick in the worst spots.

I used salt. I drove to three stores before I found more salt after I ran out of the first batch. I chopped. I shoveled. I used a broom to swish off the continual water. Even so, the ice just rebuilt. Clean at 12:00. Ice again at 1:00. Clean at 2:00. Ice again at 3:00 And so it went. Frustrating. This was as good as I could finally get it.

Besides the battle of the ice, I cleaned the house. Burned the rubbish in the barn, which meant carrying a barrel of garbage down to the fire pit, which wasn’t too bad until I got to a the sloped section in the shade where the snow came up to my knees. I swept the cement slab in the barn. I scrubbed and refilled the horses’ water tank (that I did for the horses not the looky loos). I did two loads of laundry (that I did for me). I baked bread for that psychological “isn’t this place homy” feeling.

Why do I do this to myself?!

There are so many other things I could have done with that time! Like brush my horses who are starting to shed and look like hell. I could have done some writing. Java and I could have gone for a walk – we did make it out to the mailbox. Java checked out the creek on the way.

Right now, my left shoulder muscles are twitching, this is new and utterly annoying. Thank goodness I have a massage appointment next week.

So back to Grey’s Anatomy and Meredith’s closing monologue. In how many ways can I relate to this one? I am certainly in a place I never imagined I’d be. And it’s not a turn of events that I would have chosen for myself. It is taking some getting used to.

I’m finally getting to the point where I believe my life is going to turn out better with this change in course. Life right now is not easy and it’s certainly not always pleasant and I don’t know how long it’s going to take before the days stop being so gosh darn hard. Maybe it’s just a matter of spring coming and melting the ice away. Or maybe that’s just life. And if the highlight of the day is the trip out to the mailbox, that’s okay as long as you enjoy the view along the way.

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10 Comments

  1. Sorry hon. I empathize totally. Our place was on the market 8 months, and this was right before/as things were going to hell in the market, before people realized it was totally going to shit. It takes so much energy, mental and physical to keep a place “show ready.” It was much easier once we moved out. At least we weren’t there to mess it up every day.

    Things will get better. Lot’s of people wait for the end of the school year– which isn’t too far away.

  2. I hate selling a house. We went through all that around 9 yrs ago, and I swear I never want to do it again.
    I feel for you, I really do. It isn’t any fun. Keep your chin up, and hang in there!
    That ice buildup is crazy!

  3. Sue – With such a big place, it’s a lot harder than the last house I sold. It’s another point in my life where I’m going to have to switch from perfectionism to “good enough”. Although, with me being the only one here, I’m afraid of being blamed if something negative is said by someone that walks through.

    Lori – I’m doing better every day. Gee, I think people told me something like that would happen…

    PG – I hate moving! When we moved in, it was such a nightmare that I told my husband he’d have to bury me here because I was never moving again. Guess I have to take those words back…

  4. showing a house is hell. we can never sell this house because nobody would ever buy it because we would never be able to do what you are doing. hour house would never be clean enough. (plus we’d have to fix all the cracks in the plaster, and repaint every room, and finish the trim on the baseboard in the living room, and put a light in the upstairs closet, and declutter, and …)

    it does feel like a waste of time, i know. but hang in there. there’s wisdom in grey’s anatomy.

  5. Oh what a tiny nightmare house showing must be…I can’t imagine having to stay “clean” for that long (you know how I am)…I’m pretty sure I’d be an utter failure at this, but you seem to, other than the extremely hurt shoulder, be rising to the occasion. Here’s hoping that this will be a short wait, and that the ice will soon be gone. Much Love to you Maery! (hey, wanna try out the open mike on Thursday night…might be a little fun)

  6. Laurie – It can’t be that bad. Can it? What I find funny is how offended I am that people don’t walk in and fall in love with the place the way that I’m in love with the place. Go figure.

    Lynn – Thanks. You’re such a good friend. But open mike? I’ll have to dig and see if I can find something funny. I would think funny would be better than tear jerker at such an event. I suppose it has be kiddie safe though as children might be there. Dang!

  7. Some days the best part is walking to the mail box tell me you are so on the right track, sweetie. The house will show and the perfect buyer will come along all in Gods timing. Now, that open mike thing sounds like a blast!!!

    Have a great evening and go soak in a hot bath! Heeehehe!

  8. I feel your pain! We were trying and trying to sell, I did everything you did, and then I fell sick with a terrible flu. Everything was a mess, I was lying on the couch and the realtor called with a so called “buyer.” I said “No, I couldn’t today, very sick.” They said they wouldn’t bother me, I could stay on the couch, please could they just look? He only had today.” So… I stayed on the couch and hid my head while they looked at my messy house, but I really didn’t care that day! Can you believe he made a great offer while standing outside? It sold! I was shocked! Sometimes you just never know!

  9. Nezzy – That’s what I keep telling myself. Since moving is something that I hate preparing for and doing, I’m depending that God will be wiser than I am on getting me through this.

    Cousin B – Welcome! Things do happen when they happen. Doesn’t do much good to fret about it or so I keep telling myself.

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